Celebrating

Yesterday was my birthday. I've confessed my love of birthdays and the celebrations that come along with them. Typically, the entire month of October is filled with giddy anticipation. Thinking about being a year older and what surprises will come my way. Excited for facebook posts, cake, and feeling special. This year, this time around, things felt a little different.

I often forgot it was my birthday month. I was feeling a little meh. It's silly to me, when not feeling purposeful in your job, it seems to ooze into other areas of life. Even if everything else is perfectly wonderful, not being excited about work womps over life like a looming storm cloud. At least for me.

I was finding myself complaining more often. Instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt, I was becoming easily frustrated. Seeing the negatives more often than the positives. Basically, I felt like I was turning into a grump of a haggard woman. F told me over and over that I was being too hard on myself, but here I was, throwing my own personal pity party in the bitter barn.

Last Friday, I kind of lost it to Francis. I cried and talked, and was rocking a smudged mascara monster face of the ages. Through his loving toughness, he talked me into closing down the pity party early and to start teaching myself to search for joy and things to be thankful about with everything.

When I found myself feeling bummed about something, I turned it around it my head and tried to list off all the blessings in it. It's shocking actually, how quickly you can pivot your thinking into being positive.

Saturday night, we saved up to go out for my birthday dinner at a restaurant we've been wanting to try. While enjoying our food, we started chatting with the couple next to us. They were friendly and silly and sharing bites of their dessert and taking bites of our cheese platter. It was a bit unusual in the warmest of ways, having people be so overtly kind. We greatly enjoyed talking with them. They told us they had dated 30 years ago, parted ways, and this was their first date back together. I jokingly told them they should probably take their story to Oprah. We laughed, we ate, we sipped. They talked about travels and we discussed local restaurants that we had tried and our (mine more novice than the rest of them) opinions of their flavors and techniques. As quickly as the conversation started, they were off. We were left with a whirlwind of excitement and touched by their thrilling stories and curiosity in us. Francis and I talked and ate a little more and then, the waitress brought the bill to our table.

I stared at it. I held back tears. Was this real life? Francis and I stared at each other, wide-eyed, searching for words to even start to express what was going through our heads. Silence.

That act of kindness, the incredible generosity, I think it's the highlight of my 26th year and I am not even two days in yet. I was rocked. You choose to look for the good and you will find it. Not always in paid checks or big sweeping circumstances, but in the smile of a passing stranger. A hug from a friend. An unexpected email just saying, "hello". Someone holding the elevator door open. A husband who convinces you that you aren't as crotchety as you imagine. I'm left just praising God for all the reasons He gives me to celebrate. Not just on October 29th, but every day, all day through.

image: hilaryclair